Do You Deserve a Parenting Award?

Think of the awards and recognition you have received in your life and why they were valuable. So often awards we labor for seem less important over time. Some of the best awards are ones we never expected and were never directly pursued.

As with many doctors, over the course of my education and career I have accumulated various accolades and awards. Some of them have pretty impressive titles, with words such as outstanding, best, and “of the year” emblazoned on them. Most of them, while meaningful when received, have been long forgotten by those who gave them.

This Christmas I was blessed with a unexpected recognition that has special value. In early December my 18 year-old daughter came to my wife and I one evening and announced the gift that topped her Christmas list- 2 tickets to see the pop boy band One Direction in concert. They are doing a show at the Rose Bowl on her birthday in September and the tickets were going on sale the following week.

"I want to go!" She said, and then she turned to me. "And Daddy I want you to go with me, because you will sing the songs with me and I think I will have more fun with you than anyone else!"

Pretty Awesome. I will take "One Direction Concert Partner" from my daughter over a medical award any day. Lots of doctors win medical awards. How many are their child's concert buddy? 

This is a simple reminder of a goal that should be shared by all parents. As our children grow up and are able to decide what to do and who to do it with we should hope that we will be a viable option for them. If you wonder if you would be on your child’s buddy list for a special event ask yourself this question- “Is my child on my buddy list?”  If you don’t choose their company chances are they won’t choose yours!

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Discouraged by Yelp! More on Dealing With Discouragement

 Recently I discovered a rather brutal review of my practice on Yelp. (You can go read it if you are so inclined.) In this mother's opinion I am a great evil and a threat to children. Her words hurt. I try so hard to love the patients in my practice, especially the children. It was clear that in her case I failed miserably. Discouragement raised its head, as did anger and fear. What could I do?

A key for dealing with and preventing discouragement in Hebrews 12 is found in verse 1. The writer says, “Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin that clings so closely” (ESV).

Every weight- some things just weight us down in our the race of life. For me, the things that slow me down and discourage me include doubt, fear and past hurts.

Past hurts have been particularly hard for me at times. I have been let down by so many people- parents, friends, an even in the church often frequently by pastors and leaders. To quote those great theologians Simon and Garfunkle, “it's the same old story, everywhere I go, I've been slandered, libeled, I hear words I never hear in the Bible!”.

When I dwell on these things. I feel like quitting. Who wants to keep running when it seems you are just running into pain? But God says that we can't hang on to these things.

We have to lay them aside.

The English term “lay aside” is a little softer than what I think the original Greek word implies. I think “Throw far away” might be better. We need to throw these things far away from us, far enough away that they can't slow us down.

This is not easy. Especially for someone like me who suffers from anxiety disorder. I cling to hurts instead of throwing them away. Worse, my anxiety disorder can make little things hurt a lot.

So what could I do with Yelp! induced pain? I shared it with others, received encouragement, and set it aside. I decided to just do the best I could to keep loving and serving my patients, learn from the mistake and went on.

Where in the past I would have dwelt on it for days or weeks, I moved on. As I did I realized that I was not perfect, and that this is okay with God, and with many of my patients. I focused on the smiles and positive interactions gained hope. By setting the pain aside and focusing on the positive a discouragement that before would have lasted a while faded away.

Is there something you need to lay aside? Do it! Sometimes letting go is the first step in moving on!

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Discouraged? There is help! Dealing with Discouragement Part 2

Fear and discouragement are common. I learned a lesson on how to deal with it in an unexpected location- a huge rock in Waimea Bay.

I was paralyzed with irrational fear. There I was, standing on the edge of a boulder that jutted out into Waimea Bay on the North Shore of Hawaii. It was about a 25 foot drop to the water, and at my son's urging I had followed him and several other illiterate tourists up the rock. (I say illiterate because we had all ignored the large sign that read “Warning- do not climb or jump off of rock” on our way to the jump off point!). I had stood in line as one by one people jumped off the edge into the water. My son had done it several times already and had assured me it would be fun. When I got to the edge and looked down I was suddenly reminded of my rather intense fear of heights. In an instant I was transformed from a bold 45 year-old physician into a frightened 5 year old. I could not move. After several seconds I staggered back of few feet to gather myself. As I did I caught the eye of the man who was behind me in the line. He was a slender man who looked to be in his 70's. He shook his head pitifully at me and then joyfully jumped in the water.

He was followed by a little girl of about 8. She gave me a similar look and shake of the head before she took the plunge. Embarrassed that an elderly man and a little girl were unafraid I looked over the edge into the water. I quickly observed that neither they nor my son were floating dead in the water. Taking encouragement from those that had gone before me I took a deep breath and jumped.

My son was a liar. There was nothing fun about the experience. At all. In fact, the landing was painful. Yet, like everyone else, I had made it, and learned the lesson on overcoming fear and discouragement that the writer of Hebrews 12 wanted his readers to understand.

According to the writer of Hebrews 12, a source of encouragement and endurance in the race of life is the testimony of those who have gone before us. In chapter 11 he shared a lengthy list of heroes who through faith had accomplished great things and been delivered from incredible trials. He shared those stories to help us gain confidence that the God will guide and strengthen us in the same way.

He described those heroes as being so numerous as to be “a great cloud of witnesses.” So many witnesses, testifiers to the faithfulness of God, that we are surrounded in every direction, so many that as we consider their stories we cannot help but be encouraged.

I don't think that encouraging tales of faith heroes are limited to the names in chapter 11. Most of us have been blessed with people in our life who have gone before and faithfully completed the race. For me, my in-laws are those kind of heroes.

My father-in-law, Chuck, was an amazing man of faith. Not the “stand on a street corner preach the gospel” kind of faith, but the much more significant “faithfully use the gifts God has given me” kind of faith. He died at the age of 75, and by all rights should have died 25 years earlier when a massive heart attack left him unresponsive for over 7 minutes. God was not done with him then, and he lived that truth out with vigor for the rest of his days. He could always be counted on to serve, to fix, to build, and to be there when needed. Three days before he died he delivered shelves he had refurbished to my office. He was facing open heart surgery and he did not want the promised shelves to wait for his recovery  so he plowed through the twinges of angina to fulfill his promise. That was Chuck Rehm.

The night before the surgery, which he did not survive, two pastors came to pray. One of them asked him how he was doing. His simple statement, “I am ready,” was and is a powerful statement of his faith. God had been faithful to Him his whole life and he trusted his whole life to God. He met his Maker without fear. he remained faithful to the end.

My mother-in-law, Shirley, is also remarkable. I don't know why I expected differently, but when she lost the true love of her life she did not quit. 8 years later she still serves as a volunteer counselor at the church and continues to be a prayer warrior. My children say that when you really need prayer, call Grandma.

Their sustaining faith is an encouragement to me, and they make up the most visible part of the great cloud of witnesses that surround me. God has sustained them throughout their lives and this encourages me to trust him in the same way.

They remind me of how important it is to maintain relationships with those who are going before, and to remember the stories of those who are gone. I am encouraged by the tangible proof in their stories that God is faithful.

Discouraged? You can make it. God is there and He has demonstrated His desire and willingness to help you in the lives of others who have been through similar circumstances. Reach out to those people and ask for help. If you need encouragement and do not know where to find it. Contact me through the blog. Or call me at the office 714-960-4500. I will call you back!

This is the second post of a series on Dealing with Discouragement. If you have been touched by these posts, please share them with a friend. If you would like to subscribe to this blog and receive future posts by email, click on the subscribe link. Beneath my photo upper right on a computer screen or scroll to the bottom on your mobile device.

Finally- there is a new Small Group Study Guide for my book! It is available for free on the "book" page. For a limited time I am offering the book free to any interested small group!

How to deal with Discouragement- Part 1

Every once in a while a patient comes in with depression with a story that once heard causes me to think, “I'd be depressed too!” Had one of those visits recently. A man in his late 70's came in with depression. In the last year he had struggled with a rare cancer that required uncomfortable radiation treatments and the collapse of a replaced hip. The hip was replaced 7 weeks earlier in a massive reconstruction that required him to bear no weight at all for months. An avid athlete, this was a tough pill to swallow. A few weeks into his recovery he came down with a severe pneumonia that nearly did him in and required an 8 day stay in the hospital, sapping what little strength remained. He was emotionally and physically exhausted, deeply depressed and discouraged.

As we talked I thought of a sermon on depression I have preached several times. The sermon, titled “Dealing with Discouragement," seems to resonate with so many people, because everyone struggles with discouragement. The principles are universal and worth sharing and were helpful to him that day. In the hope that they may help others I will be sharing them in the coming posts.

Reading Hebrews 12 one of the things that jumps out are the repeated exhortations to not give up. In verse 1 the author tells the readers that they should "run with endurance the race that is set before them." In the running analogy he is suggesting that we remember life is a long race and fatigue is common- It seems to me that he would not say endurance was needed unless we were going to be running for a while!

It reminds me of lessons I learned from watching my brothers run track and field. They ran the 800 meters and cross country, and it is a fact of running that sprinting out to the lead is not a good way to win a long race. Sprinters tire quickly and are seldom in front at the end. It seems the author was saying the faithful life is like that. If we treat it like a sprint, expecting it to be over soon, we will be disappointed.

Later in the chapter we are told that as we run we are to consider what Jesus endured in His life, so we will "not grow weary and lose heart." Sounds like there must be a danger of getting tired and discouraged! This is a common theme in scripture. Reading through the New Testament we are often reminded to stand firm, persevere, and endure to the end. We would not be repeatedly reminded to hang in there if dropping out was not a real possibility. Life is often hard!

It sounds funny, but it is encouraging for me to know that I am not the only person who battles discouragement! If you are feeling discouraged, you are not alone either and encouragement is available.

The Bible gives us ways to deal with this discouragement and we will be covering these in the next few posts.

This is the first post of a series on Dealing with Discouragement. If you have been touched by this post, please share it with a friend. If you would like to subscribe to this blog and receive future posts by email, click on the subscribe link. Beneath my photo upper right on a computer screen or scroll to the bottom on your mobile device.

What Other People's Heart Attacks Taught Me About Life

Heart disease is the number one cause of death in America. It is also one of the major reasons people are hospitalized. A huge chunk of medical training is centered on taking care of heart disease and keeping people alive after heart attack. But what if we weren't saving lives like we thought? Shortly after I started my medical training a study revealed that we weren't doing such a good job of saving lives after all! It also taught me a lesson about life that has lasted a lifetime.

One of the greatest dangers after a heart attack is an irregular heartbeat, especially when the extra beat begins in the ventricle, the bottom of the heart. If it occurs at the wrong instant the electrical impulse that initiates these beats can lead to a heart rate so rapid that the heart just wiggles instead of pumps, resulting in death. These extra beats, called Premature Ventricular Contractions (PVC's) are more common, and more dangerous, in the damaged heart muscle of patients after a heart attack.

To combat this problem, medications were developed to stop these PVCs. And stop the PVC's they did, decreasing the frequency of these beats by over 90%. These medications caught on rapidly and were soon being prescribed to all heart attack patients.
Until someone asked an important question- “We know that these drugs stop PVC's, and we assume this will save lives, but what if they don't?”
Enter the Coronary Arrhythmia Suppression Trial. Patients after heart attack were randomly assigned to one of two groups. One group received a PVC killer, the other group a sugar pill. The study was called off early due to a surprising result- people on the PVC drugs were dying at a rate three times higher than those on the sugar pills. There were fewer PVC's, but the meds changed the impact of the ones that were left, making them more deadly. The drugs were quickly pulled from the market.
There is a life lesson to be learned from the CAST project- make sure you are measuring the right thing. It is so easy to focus on the wrong thing, on things that do not help us achieve our ultimate goal.
I have made this mistake too many times. As a parent, I have at times focused on specific behaviors instead of the heart of my child. As a leader in the church, I have gotten caught up in making a sermon perfect, writing a great Sunday school lesson, or organizing a successful event instead of caring about people. As a doctor I have seen how easy it is to treat symptoms and diseases and forget the person sitting in front of me.
In my home, in my practice and in ministry it is possible to succeed in small meaningless areas and fail in the ultimate objective. The CAST study reminds me to pay attention to what is most important.