Boomerangs, Broken Windows and Responsibility

Australians lie. There is no purpose or task for which a boomerang is needed or helpful. From my experience they are nothing more than devices of destruction and mayhem. No matter how many times one reads "the instructions" they never come back when you throw them. Even if they did no finger-loving human would want to catch one in flight. The only possible use of boomerangs is as a tool for lessons in personal responsibility. 

Case in point: When my son was about 7 years old one of the boys in the neighborhood had a boomerang. Nate was playing at their house and asked if he could throw it. He had a pretty strong arm for a little boy and he gave it quite a heave. It was traveling pretty fast when it struck the window of their garage. It is basic law of physics that when an irresistible force strikes an immovable object that the boomerang wins. There was glass everywhere. It was time to buy a new window.

I was across the street when it happened and hurried over to survey the damage. I told the neighbor that we would pay for the window. He initially refused but I insisted. I turned to my son and asked him how much money he had in his piggy bank. "Nine dollars" was his hesitant reply. I told him he would be contributing that amount to the repair of the window and tears welled up in his little eyes, "But it was an accident!" 

I explained that even when we accidentally break something or do harm, something is still harmed or broken and someone will need to fix it. The window had to be replaced, that would cost money, and because the damage came from him he was responsible to for it.  We have to take responsibility for the consequences of our own actions even when they are unintentional. This wasn't punishment, it was just the way life worked. We went home and retrieved his life savings and I added the remainder. The neighbor graciously did the repair himself. 

Reflecting back on the story I am reminded that personal responsibility is a lost value. People are often quick to apologize but very slow to make amends. It seems no one wants to be held accountable for their mistakes. I see this all the time. Just this week we received a bill from a medical office. We were surprised because we had been asked to "pay in full" at the time of service had done so. The collections agent explained that they had made a mistake and "forgotten" to charge us for a portion of the services. My response that "payment in full" typically means you have "paid in full" and that we should therefore not have to pay for their mistake fell on deaf and uncaring ears. 

I have made similar billing mistakes in my practice but my worldview is different from that of the other medical office. In every circumstance I bear the expense of our mistakes. Both me and my son can attest that accepting responsibility is costly. Apologies are not. Here's hoping for a resurgence of responsibility in the world.

- Bart

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Doing Right. Getting Fired Anyway

“I don't have to come to you. I can go somewhere else,” her statement was a threat. She did not like what I was saying and she wanted me to know that if I was not careful I would lose her as a patient.

As taken aback as I was by the threat, I was more surprised by the context in which it was made. She had called the service and had paged me after 7 in the evening for a refill of her asthma inhaler. All asthma inhalers have dose counters on them so a patient should never run out of medicine. The medicine itself reminds patients that they are running low. There is no good reason for a patient to need an emergency refill.

Before returning her call I logged into the electronic record to review her chart. A brief perusal revealed that she had not been seen in over a year and, if she was truly out of her inhaler, was using it more than was recommended. If she truly had gone through an inhaler in the time since  her last refill she was either in need of additional medication or not taking her current medications as recommended.

I called with the plan of exploring her level of asthma control and hopefully, to make sure her care was optimal. She had no interest in learning more about her asthma or appropriate treatment. She wanted her refill and nothing more. I pressed on nonetheless, deciding that I would provide good medical advice, desired or not.

I explained asthma treatment guidelines and that her inhaler usage suggested she needed more controller medications. She admitted that she had not been using her medications as prescribed. I entered her refills into the computer and as I did asked her to schedule an appointment so we could discuss them further. I reminded her that she also needed her annual flu shot.

She was surprised, asking “I need a flu shot?” In an incredulous tone. I explained that all asthmatics did, as influenza can cause life-threatening pneumonia in asthmatics. In an effort to make sure she got her needed care I opened the online appointment schedule and asked her when she wanted to come in.

She wasn’t interested. “I work 8 to 6, so I will need to come before then.” It was when I told her we did not have appointments before 8 or after 6 and that she would need to take time out to come to the office. This is what offended her, that I dare to tell her to prioritize her health.

The extra time I had taken, in chart review, in exhortation and in education, did not matter. What mattered was that she felt that she was the customer and the customer is always right. If I did not like it, she was going to take her business elsewhere.

I attempted to explain that she had misunderstood my intent, that I was not trying to talk down to her but was trying to encourage her to get the best care, but I did not get the chance. She hung up on me halfway through my first sentence.

I probably shouldn't be surprised by demanding and entitled patients but I am. I still naively hope that doing the right thing will be appreciated and understood. That is not always the world I live in.

I am going to do the right thing anyway.

- Bart

Is There Anyone We Can Trust?

One of the most quoted passages in Scripture is Paul’s description of the characteristics of a godly life found in his letter to the Galatian church. He calls these characteristics the “fruit of the Spirit”. The list includes- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are all and wonderful and desirable attributes but one in particular seems unique from the rest. Faithfulness.

It is the one that can only be measured and assessed over a long period of time. A person who is kind, joyous, good and gentle 99% of the time may rightly be described as having these attributes, but a man who is faithful to his wife 99% of the time is a cheat. Because it requires persistence over time I think faithfulness may be the rarest of the Christian virtues and the most difficult to possess.

I fear it has also become the least valued. In out fast-food, fast-paced world we have come to want what we want and to want it now. Young people fresh out of school want honor and respect. Young politicians closer to high school age than they are to retirement age seek to be president of the United States, while other older politicians ask us to believe that they are committed to positions opposite those they espoused just a few years before. How can we know they will be faithful to their promises?

The fact that so many of the leading candidates fit one of these descriptions is evidence that we have devalued faithfulness. There is no substitute for it. While a person who has been true to his values for decades should be more trusted than someone who had frequently changed, this does not seem to matter to us anymore. This is concerning.

It is of even greater concern to me in the life of the church. As is often the case, in this regard the American church is following American culture. We seek new faces, charismatic leaders who make eloquent statements and emphatic promises. While these leaders may be good and gifted men, and while they may be kind, gentle, patient, joyful and loving, it is hard to know if they are faithful. Faithfulness can only be measured over time.

Later this week I will be speaking to a church group on the topic of faithfulness, looking into the Apostle Paul’s thoughts on the subject. It was a common theme in the letters he wrote to young pastors under his charge. The talk will be the basis of my posts in the coming few weeks as I explore what it is that Christians are to be faithful to. The answers may surprise you!

-          Bart

Those who are interested in hearing my talk on faithfulness can watch it live on my twitter feed this Wednesday, February 24 (@bartbarrettmd) I am scheduled to begin between 10:15 and 10:30. I am planning on uploading the message to my vimeo page later in the week. 

The Cult is Having a Sale

The cult was having a sale and women’s ministry in the church wanted to go. When I pointed out to them that the store in question was run by a cult their plans didn't change. The only thing that changed was their attitude about me. It seemed obvious to me that there are certain things that Christians should not do and that if I made aware they would choose to avoid  questionable behaviors. I was wrong.

I learned that many Christians only consider morality in the extreme cases such as theft and adultery. If the bible is not explicit then no thought is given to rightness or wrongness. People are free to do what they want and none dare question it.

This was surprising to me because I have questioned my own behavior since adolescence. There have always been things I clearly could not do because of moral concerns. There were other things I chose not to do when morality was unclear. Even as a teen I would not go to parties if alcohol was being served and I didn’t attend R-rated movies. I didn't want to chance it.

The sale at the cult-owned quilting store seemed something the women might want to avoid. The store in question was unique. It was the primary source of income for a small religious commune in Orange County. The leader of the cult was a feisty woman who defied government authority and who taught that Jesus was nothing more than a man. I did not think that the church would want to directly contribute to such a cult by patronizing its business.

My first thought when I saw the flyer for the shopping event was that the leaders were unaware of the store’s backstory. The store did not overtly proclaim its mission and theology, instead choosing to present itself as nothing more than a neighborhood country store. I assumed that when the leaders learned the full story of the store that they would choose to shop elsewhere. I was wrong. I was accused of being judgmental and legalistic, unreasonable and disrespectful.

When I asked how, knowing what they knew, they could justify encouraging women of the church to shop at the store their answer left me dumbfounded. I was told that the store stocked some hard to find items and that it would be inconvenient to try and find them elsewhere. My concern that making the shopping trip a church sponsored event might lead some to believe that the church was supportive of the store’s mission was dismissed out of hand.

Over the years I have learned that my attitude about morality makes me an outlier. I live in a world in which the majority of people are not guided by values and principles. What matters most is what people feel and what people want. If making a stand is difficult or inconvenient most people will choose not to make it at all. 

The sad reality is that when values are sacrificed when they become costly, they aren’t worth anything.

-          Bart

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For those who are wondering, the cult store is still in business. It is the Piecemakers store in Costa Mesa, California.

Waiting 94 Years for a Birthday Gift

It was her 94th birthday. It was also her first birthday without her husband since they were married 77 years ago. The last of her two daughters died 8 years ago and I am the only grandchild who lives near her so she spends most of her days alone. She expected her birthday would be quiet and uneventful. The staff at the assisted living facility where she lives would likely wish her “Happy Birthday” but beyond that there were no plans except Mexican food for dinner with me and my wife and her caregiver and her husband.

It was early afternoon when a FedEx envelope arrived at the facility addressed to her. She expected it to be bill or a check from her long term care insurance. She did not expect it to be a birthday greeting, who would? No one sends a birthday card via FedEx. But someone did. Someone she had not seen or heard from in 27 years.

She opened the envelope and discovered a photograph of a man she did not recognize holding a small sign that read, “Happy Birthday Grandma.” It was her oldest grandson, who she had not seen or spoken to since 1988.

Our Grandfather had cut off all contact long ago. Gramps was an old fashioned man with old fashioned morals and when he learned in 1988 that his oldest grandson was gay he responded in a manner that was as sad as it was predictable. Gramps wanted nothing to do with him. Grandma had no choice but to yield to her husband’s wishes. Her oldest grandson disappeared from their will and their lives.

But Gramps is gone now, and her grandson wondered if it might be okay to reach out to his grandmother. He sent me an email asking for her address, asking if I thought it would be okay. My reply was, “Why not? What do you have to lose?” He sent the photo the next day. With the picture he included a note telling his grandma that he loved her and that he hoped that she would have a happy birthday. He wrote “call me anytime.”

She called right then. Their conversation was brief but wonderful. They both cried. On her 94th birthday she got her grandson back. What a gift.

He and I talked on the phone that evening after dinner. We spoke about the power of forgiveness and the beauty of restoration, both grateful that our Grandma had lived to see this day.

-          Bart

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