Responding to Anti-Vaccine Hatred

“You killed that kid. You are a c---.”

“You are a part of the problem!”

“You should be ashamed of yourself and should not be a doctor at all.”

Since I published my posts on measles the attacks have been vicious and continuous. Multiple emails have flooded my inbox challenging my character and my motives and questioning my ethics and my intelligence, all sent by strangers who have never met me or spoken with me. As I read each one I ask myself, “How should I respond?”

The Barrett in me wanted to fight back, challenge every negative assertion and correct every false claim. I wanted to not just defend myself but to destroy their claims and show them to be the misguided people they were. I didn’t. Something stopped me.

That something might actually be a Someone, for at the time I was dealing with these responses I was also preparing to speak at a church in Burbank. The scripture for that Sunday was from the Sermon on the Mount, the part where Jesus informed His disciples that they were likely to be insulted, persecuted and lied about viciously in the course of following Him. He went on to describe how his followers should respond in such difficult circumstances, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

I must confess that this response was not the first one that entered my mind when I read the hateful emails! How could kindness be the appropriate response to hatred? As I continued to review the passage of Scripture and prepared my talk the answer to that question became clear.  Jesus consistently taught about eternity, about the blessings of the life to come. When the temporary attacks of others are placed in the context of the enduring blessings of faith it is easier to see the attacks for what they are, the responses of lost and broken people, people in need of a relationship with their Creator.  in this eternal context it is also easier to understand the appropriate response, as my goal should not be retribution or punishment but an effort to guide them to truth.

With this in mind I tried to answer every email I received. I avoided argument, instead choosing to acknowledge receipt of their message and suggesting web sites they could visit if they wanted more information. I did not apologize for my stance or affirm theirs, for that would be disingenuous. When there were specific questions I did my best to answer them. I doubt that I changed any minds but I hope that I may have challenged some presuppositions. I did not act in the way they expected. I pray they will reflect on my words and maybe even read other posts on the blog.

As I consider my responses to these strangers I am led to reflect on my responses when hurt and offended by those who are closer to me. I think of patients who have complained or given me negative reviews and of recent employees who unjustly accused me of unfairness. I have concluded that it is much easier to brush off the accusations of a stranger than it is to deal with accusations from someone who you thought knew you better. It is easy in such hurtful circumstances to justify an angry or defensive response. It is easy, but that does not make it right.

I need to learn to not take these slights personally, to respond in kindness whenever possible and to love and pray for those who hurt me, for this is the response that should characterize those who follow Christ. I know this because it was the response of Christ himself when he hung dying on the cross, his prayer for his persecutors, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” What a powerful example

May we all become more forgiving people.

-          Bart

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The World Lied. Millions Died

600 bodies were found when the Soviet soldiers arrived on January 27, 1945. If only they had been the only ones. The 7500 survivors that remained on the site told the terrible tale of how many others there had been and what had become of them. Over time the world learned of the horror. Nearly a million of their people had been executed or exterminated there in Auschwitz, millions more killed in other death camps. When confronted with such sheer evil the cry, “Never Again!” spread around world. Nations through their leaders promised that they would not repeat the mistakes of the past, not remain passive or silent when innocent lives were again threatened or taken.

The world lied. Since 1945 millions of innocent people have died at the hands of ruthless oppressors around the world, their only crime being the color of their skin, their religious faith or their ethnic heritage. The lack of concern or response from outsiders suggesting their lives were of no apparent value to the western world who had promised to protect them from such harm.

The lives lost include-

1.5-2 million Cambodians from 1975-1979 at the hands of Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge

1-3 million ethnic Igbo people in Nigeria from 1967-1970 from starvation and slaughter

800,000 Tutsi killed in Rwanda within a 3 month period in 1994

200,000-400,000 non-Arab minorities in Darfur, Sudan from 2003-2010

The numbers are still rising in Syria, where the current estimate is 200,000 civilian lives lost, and in ISIS controlled areas of Iraq where Christians are being persecuted and killed for their beliefs.

How could it be that a world so horrified by the Holocaust could turn a blind eye to the suffering and persecution of so many?

There is only one possible answer. Human life is not as valuable to society as we proclaim, particularly when those lives are far away. When it comes to human life, it seems that the responses we are most comfortable with are the safe ones such as marches and hashtags and the lives we care about are the ones closest to home.

Which means that “Never Again” has become little more than a slogan.

-          Bart

The post is written in honor of Holocaust Remembrance Day, which occurs on the Anniversary of the Liberation of Auschwitz on January 27, 1945. 

A Woman Killed over 57 Dollars. What is One Life Worth?

“We just got robbed. I’m not kidding Bart! We just got robbed!” Kendall was standing in the corner behind the counter, white-faced and trembling with fear. The tone of her voice, the look on her face and the open cash register drawer removed all doubt. I had only been in the back room for two minutes but in that short time something terrible had happened.

It was 1978 and I had been working at the Baskin Robbins store on 19th street for about 6 months, which meant I was one of the more experienced staff members. It was 5:30 in the afternoon, the slow time of the day during the dinner hour and before the evening rush. It was a time for restocking cones and cups and for swapping out near empty tubs of ice creams with new ones. I was heading for the back to get a tub from the freezer when I saw him enter. Dark hair, dark jacket and a bandana. I didn’t think anything of him, he was just another guy. I went through the door to the storeroom as he approached the counter.

When I came out he was gone, and so was the money. When Kendall told me what had happened my first (and in retrospect, stupid) instinct was to chase after him. The fact that he had a gun and I had an ice cream scooper did not register in my mind. As I ran out the door I saw a car pull away. It had been parked just out of view of the door, about 20 feet away at the curb to the walkway of the center in front of the bar next door. It was a dark blue car about 10 years old. It had a black California license plate with gold numbers, “965 HTM.”

I ran back inside and called the police. This was pre “911” so I dialed the operator. “I need the police we just got robbed!” I was immediately connected to a police dispatcher. A squad car appeared outside within seconds. The dispatcher took the description and plate number of the car and told me to hang up and speak with the officer on scene.

Kendall told us the full story, how he had pulled the gun and told her to give him all the money in the register. She had nervously filled a brown bag with what was in the register and handed it over. He had turned and walked out. The whole event had taken only 1-2 minutes. Kendall had barely finished her story when the news came in over the police radio. They had found him! I had, amazingly, correctly identified the make and age of the car and there were officers in pursuit. The chase was on, the robber was racing down Newport Boulevard.

It was over in a matter of minutes when the thief crashed into another vehicle. He suffered no serious injuries but the woman he hit, a mother of three young children, was not so fortunate. She died at the scene. On the front seat of the dark blue Chevy the police found a toy gun and a paper bag with 57 dollars in it.

57 Dollars. Three children were forever motherless over 57 dollars. It is hard to process the tragedy of such a selfish and stupid act. How could such a thing happen?

The next few weeks saw a flurry of investigational activity.  There were a police interviews at work and at the police station, a photo lineup, and I was called to testify at a preliminary hearing. I was not told about the ultimate resolution of the case but I assume there was a guilty plea before trial as I wasn’t called back to testify again. My life went on.

I think about the robbery every so often. Each time I do it is the 57 dollars and the death of the mother that are most troubling. So much was lost over so little. I think about this every time I hear of a robbery. I wonder how someone could become so thoughtless, so heartless, so evil. At what point does the life of another human being become worth so little?

Life needs to be defended. It needs to be fought for.

There is nothing more valuable on this planet than human life. The Old Testament truth that we are created “in the image of God”, created with the ability to love, to reason, and to choose, is a truth we need to pass on to our children. This truth is the basis for valuing life, every life. Each and every person on this planet is of infinite worth, far more than 57 dollars.

-          Bart

Thanks for visiting the blog. Please remember the power of the share button and let your friends know about this and other posts. You can subscribe to the blog by clicking the link on the page and follow me on Twitter @bartbarrettmd. You can read more about the value of life in my book Life Medicine, available on Amazon.com.

10 Parenting Mistakes to Avoid

Kids don't come with an instruction manual. Parenting is hard work and we all struggle. We will make mistakes along the way but avoiding these pitfalls can make it easier.

1-      Yelling

Anger does not work. It demeans, divides and destroys. It is a shortcut to control that helps avoid understanding and reason. Discipline is a must but anger is never of value.

2-      Emphasizing performance over character

We know parents are failing in this regard when 75-98% of college students admit to having cheated in high school. If all that matters to a parent is the grade on the report card then children will do whatever they can to get that grade. When the grade is more important than the knowledge we have lost something as a society. I would rather have an honest child working at Walmart than a cheating child who was a heart surgeon.

3-      Praising the outside instead of the in

We live in a culture that obsesses over appearance, where an immoral but beautiful woman with no talent or skill can be a celebrity. While we cannot change the fact that society focuses on the superficial externals we can do not need to reinforce that at home. We can and should tell our children that they look nice but the majority of our praise should be on behavior on character. Our words and praises communicate our values and priorities

4-      Putting the kids before your spouse

This is a big one. Mom and Dad come first. Parents who neglect one another to dote upon their children will not have a healthy marriage. We have all seen it happen and it never ends well.

5-      Protecting your kids from consequences

Failure, loss, pain and suffering are a part of life and are life’s greatest teachers. When we beg teachers for second chances on missed assignments or expect our kids to play in the game when they miss practice we are denying them a learning opportunity. When my son was about 8 he threw a plastic boomerang and broke a neighbor’s window. I took the $9.82 he had in his piggy bank to help pay for it. It wasn’t a punishment, I told him, it was a consequence. He was not in trouble and I was not angry. Even though it was an accident, the repairs required money and he needed to help pay. It was a lesson for both of us and for his friends.

6-      Trusting your teenager

Just the other night on TV a parent said that she completely trusted her 18 year-old son. I thought. “Are you crazy?” Think back to the foolishness of your adolescence and ask yourself how many times you shouldn’t have been trusted. We need to know where our kids are, who they are with and what they are doing.

7-      Telling instead of showing

If you don’t do it the chances are your kids won’t learn it. My kids learned honesty by watching us give back money when we were given too much change and seeing us point out when we were under charged. They learned about morality and purity when they saw us decide against certain movies because of objectionable content. I knew I had done well when my then 18 year-old son called me and asked “Can you check the content of a movie me and my friends want to see?”

8-      Expecting too much

Not every child is an Albert Einstein or a Michael Jordan. I have seen teenagers with severe anxiety from being forced to take too many advanced classes. Their parent’s unrealistic dreams of an Ivy League education were weighing them down. Other children have come to me with overuse injuries from playing too many sports year-round as they pursued athletic stardom at the age of 10. Sometimes parents need to chill a little!

9-      Not playing with your kids

It is not enough to watch your kids play or to arrange play dates. When we value what our children do we value them. It felt weird when I played Barbies with my daughter, but I did it. (I did however, draw the line at Pretty Pretty Princess. A man needs his dignity.) I played Halo with my son. I was terrible at it, but when he started talking about warthogs, grunts, elites and jackals at the dinner table, I knew what he was talking about. Take time to play.

10-   Not providing a clear system of values

Kids need to know not only what things are right and what things are wrong, they need to know why things are right and wrong. Forget about keeping the 10 commandments, most people can’t even name 5! We need to set moral standards and teach them. I love the way the Israelites of old were instructed in how to pass on their beliefs and values- “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” (Deut 6: 7-9 NIV) There was no way their kids weren’t going to get the message!

None of these come easy and reviewing the list I see some areas where I could have done better. How about you?

-          Bart

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Lessons From a Failing Marriage

His father had died, he was having struggles at work and his marriage was in trouble. All in all it had not been a very good year. He was discouraged and depressed and clearly needed to talk.

Unfortunately, I was not prepared to discuss these intense emotional issues. He  was scheduled for a brief visit to discuss his diabetes and I was planning to review blood sugars, go over his cholesterol and discuss diet and exercise. Marriage counseling was not on the agenda.

Nevertheless this all changed 3 minutes into the visit. It was clear that the medical issues were not his most pressing need. Like it or not, prepared or not, I needed to listen. If I did not address the emotional issues the likelihood of long term success with the physical issues would would be small.

Realizing it could cause me to fall behind and mess up my schedule, I took a breath and sat down and asked more questions. I asked about counseling. They had gone to counseling for their marriage but he did not have confidence in the therapist. He repeated a complaint I have heard from many men, the feeling that the counselor had taken his wife’s side and had not listened to his point of view. He knew he had work to do but felt that he was not as bad as he had been made out to be. He felt that he was being blamed for their struggles as a couple.

I acknowledged that he seemed to be a pretty decent guy but then shared with him something I have often shared in discussions with patients and church groups, the four words that pose one of the greatest obstacles to improvement in relationships, “I’m not that bad.” When we latch on to these words we embrace thinking that paralyzes change. He may not be that bad, but I was pretty sure that didn't mean that he could not be better, and while he could not control what his wife did he would always be free to work on himself.

I encouraged him to ask himself a question, “Am I being the best person I can be for my family?” This is a question I ask myself regularly, a question that turns my focus away from the faults in others and helps me be a better father and husband. I have learned that when my family sees me working hard to be a better man they are much more patient with my faults and struggles.

He seemed open to the concept. As the conversation continued he shared that he was a man of faith, so I added another encouragement, sharing the words of the Apostle Paul in Romans 12. Paul told his readers that they should not “conform to the pattern of this world but instead be transformed by the renewing of their minds.” I paraphrased Paul’s words as “you are broken in your thinking, if you want to break free from the behavior that has gotten you into trouble, you are going to need to radically change the way you think!” With these words I encouraged him to take a closer look at the way he viewed himself, his wife and his marriage.

As we talked I learned that he did not have anyone in his life who could challenge his thinking and perspective in this way, anyone who could tell him when he was wrong and how he could be better. For all of his life he had trusted his own judgment almost exclusively. Realizing it is hard to do better on our own I suggested that in addition to the counseling they were already doing that perhaps he should find a mentor, someone he could trust to help him be the man he wanted to be.

His story reminds me that simple things can have profound impact. How much better would our lives and relationships be if we put others first and worked each day to be better people for those we love? How much growth would we experience if we were willing to question our thinking and develop meaningful relationships with someone wise who could help guide us on our road to personal growth?

Something to think about.

- Bart

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