Finding the Murderous within us

The debate about violence in our culture never ends. It gets louder every time there is a school shooting or mass homicide but it never goes away. Recently, in the wake of the murders in Santa Barbara and after the school shooting in Newton, the debate has been about gun control and mental illness. While it is good to have a debate, I am afraid that a key factor is being ignored- the wrong thinking that is at the heart of murderous acts

Jesus addressed this in the Sermon on the Mount when He taught that anger and devaluing others are equivalent to murder (Matthew 5:21-22). The road to murder begins with a thought,  the thought that something is more important than someone.

We live in a world where humans are no longer seen beings as of infinite worth, no longer see them as created in the image of God. Many individuals lack a well defined moral construct as many do not believe in God at all.  Our children are consistently taught that human existence is the result of mindless chance, that people are just another animal, and that their feelings and desires are what matters the most. The end result is a world where life and people are demeaned and trivialities are emphasized.

I recently had a patient who was angry at his neighbor, so angry he thought he might resort to a physical response. The neighbor’s stupidity had resulted in water damage to my patient’s car. While it was clear from the story that the neighbor was a jerk, my patient seemed to have forgotten that he was a jerk created in the image of God, a jerk whose jerkiness did not diminish his overall value. As a result, in the response of the patient, the car mattered more than the person.

Our society has placed incredible importance on the value of individual feelings and has encouraged individuals to value themselves and worked to make every child feel special and deserving. In so doing we have missed the Biblical value that we should view others as having value equal or greater to our own. We have moved away from the concept of sacrifice for others and toward the pursuit of individual pleasure.

We have reached a place where we measure others by how they make us feel. Offend me with a Facebook post? You are deserving of humiliation. Use politically incorrect speech? You deserve to be silenced. Hurt my feelings? You deserve to be hurt back. Cut me off on the freeway? Capital punishment is appropriate.

How different would our world be if we actually believed what Jesus taught and put others first? What would happen to the rate of violent crime if we placed the same value on human life as Jesus did? It seems to me that teaching, "Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for a friend," is a value increasingly absent from our culture.

Something to think about!

- Bart

I expand on this topic greatly in my book, "Life Medicine". For a limited time you can buy the book directly from me for $5, INCLUDING SHIPPING. Message me through this site and I will send you instructions on how to pay on PayPal.  As always I encourage you to share this post with your friends and to consider subscribing to the blog.

What Wouldn't Jesus Do?

Several years ago "WWJD" bracelets were popular in many Christian youth groups. The bracelets were designed to be a reminder to stop and ask, "What would Jesus do?" when individuals were faced with a decision of how to act. Call me cynical, but I find it hard to believe a young person contemplating an immoral act would be dissuaded by a bracelet. (Actually I find it hard to believe that a young person would spend time contemplating their behavior in the first place!)

The question increased in significance recently when I heard a pastor opine on what Jesus’ response would be to an invitation to a gay wedding. After listening to the pastor’s remarks I found myself asking the question, "What wouldn’t Jesus do?"

Unlike the pastor, I will not presume to speak for Jesus on topics about which Scripture is silent. Nevertheless, I feel it appropriate to consider what types of things Jesus would not do.

• He would not condone sin. We know this, for when confronted with individuals who were caught up in sin He spoke against it. Telling the woman caught in adultery, "Go and sin no more," is an example of this.
• He would not encourage people to continue in behavior or values that would further separate them from God, as when he told the rich young ruler to abandon his wealth.
• He would not contradict the instructions of Scripture, stating that He came to fulfill the Law and not abolish it.
• He would not tolerate people disrespecting or demeaning true worship, as seen when He drove the money-changers from the temple.

These are important things to consider in an era in which Jesus is described as loving and accepting not just everyone but everything. The truth is that Jesus accepts everyone, in spite of anything they may have done in the past, but that as Holy God He cannot and will not encourage sin.

-bart

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What to do When You are Offended

Jokes are dangerous. One person's humor is another person's sore spot. To be more specific, my humor is usually someone else's sore spot. It has gotten me into trouble time and again.

A few years ago I was seeing a child for a well visit. I really liked the family and looked forward to every interaction. In an attempt to relate to the mom, who had immigrated to the US from Iran, I made what was apparently a poorly worded comment about how glad she must be to not live in that country given the oppressive nature of the government there.

I say apparently because I had no idea that I was saying anything appropriate. I knew I was not racist because I had such fondness for the family, but this did not matter to the mother. She was offended. A few days layer an angry letter came in the mail informing me that they were transferring their care to another doctor.

I was taken aback by her words. I wondered, "How can one poorly worded comment cancel out years of relationship?"

It seems to me that the answer is simple. To the mom, words she found offensive were more important than relationships with others. How sad that is.

What is even sadder is that the mom is not in the minority in this regard. I have seen responses like hers on many occasions, especially on social media. Someone makes a poorly worded comment in a Facebook post and soon the comment feed is filled with the vitriolic critique of the offended. Frequently the expressed remarks did not even directly impact the person offended!  It does not matter. The poster said something "wrong" and correction must be administered sternly and swiftly.

Frequently when this happens relationship is lost, sometimes permanently. Like the mom above, relationship has become secondary to perceived offense. 

The truth is that our response when we are offended says much more about us than it does about the person who offended us!

So how should we respond? We find a good answer in Proverbs 19:11- "A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense."

We shouldn't respond at all! What a concept! According to Scripture, overlooking an offense is the most honorable action we can take. Something to remember the next time we get ticked off!

-Bart

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Coming Saturday, a provocative post- "What wouldn't Jesus do?" prepare to get your feathers ruffled!

6 Characteristics of a Great Dad

I did not grow up knowing what it meant to  be loved by a father. My parents divorced when I was a toddler and I only saw my father a few times a year.  My step-father was a violent alcoholic who was incapable of love. It was not until I was married and observed my father-in-law that I saw what the love of a great man could do in the life of a child. As I remember him this Father's Day it seems appropriate to share what I have learned about being a dad. 

Great Dads-

1- Seek out opportunities to spend time with their children. I have seem many dads who view time with their children as an obligation to be met. Once they have spent a little time with their kids they are then allowed to do what they want. Great dads want to spend time with their kids.

2- Embrace the imperfections of their kids. The Apostle Paul in the book of Ephesians instructed fathers to “not exasperate their children.” Exasperate means to annoy or get on the nerves. Dads who continually berate and harangue their kids are doing it wrong. Kids need love and grace and to know that their father's love will always be there no matter what.

3- Get interested in what their kids are interested in. This is not easy, but it is important. When my son was in junior high I learned a lot about video games, going so far as to get my own Xbox account (Gamertag: ISOSUCKATTHIS). With my daughter I learned to watch the Disney channel and listen to the Jonas Brothers and One Direction.

4- Are home for dinner whenever possible. The importance of a nightly meal together can not be overstated.

5- Are consistent. They keep their promises and do not make idle threats. They are loyal and faithful.

6- Love their wives. The most important thing any dad can do is love, respect and remain faithful to the mother of his children.

Have a great dad? Tell others about him in the comments. Let us know what made him special. As always, please share this post with your friends!

Coming next week- "What to do when you are offended"

The Dumbest Injury EVER- and what we can learn from it.

My vote for the dumbest injury in the world is the Boxer's Fracture, or a fracture of the 5th metacarpal bone in the hand (the bone that connects the pinky finger to the wrist). The name describes how the injury occurs. Someone, usually with no boxing skill whatsoever, punches something or someone. Their aim is bad and they connect with the outside knuckle and SNAP goes the metacarpal. Whenever I see the fracture my first question is, “What did you hit?” The answers are usually sheepish, as the injury is usually accompanied with an excess of alcohol, anger or both. I say usually sheepish because of one patient I saw a few years ago. He was in his 30's and had punched a wall in anger.

I started to question him about his anger, explaining that if his anger could cause him to break his hand then he might want to do something about it. He was defiant. When I asked him if he got angry with his wife and kids he proudly responded that he did, but because he only yelled and did not hit anyone it was not a problem. With set jaw he declared, “I am not that bad of a dad!”

“Is that your goal?” I asked. “To be a not too bad dad? I would think that you would want to be a good father, someone your kids look up to.”

I should not have been surprised at his angry response, but I was.

“I don't come to you for advice, I came so you could fix my hand!”

“Well, as a Family Doctor I take care of the whole person and the whole family and I know that anger can damage families.”

“What do you know?”

And that was that. All I knew at that time was what I had learned in 20 years of medical practice, 30 years of marriage and 22 years of parenting. All I knew was that I had seen a lot of anger, been raised by abusive parents in an anger filled home, learned (the hard way) how to deal with my own anger and managed to build relationships with my kids and wife. To him, none of that mattered. To him, my opinions and experiences were no better than his, and his broken hand did nothing to change his mind.

After he left I reflected back on my own experience with anger, remembering the words of a pastor friend who had shared of his own struggles with anger. His simple statement-“Anger. Never. Works.” resonated with me in a powerful way. I listened to his counsel and swore off anger and changed the way I disciplined my children. It was a life changing realization and I learned it from someone else. I learned it because I was willing to listen to someone else. On my own I may have never learned it.

There is a natural tendency to not want to listen to others, to think that we can figure it out on our own. It is natural, but it is wrong and it is foolish. The writer of the Proverb nails it-

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice." Prov 12:15 ESV

Let's be wise.

Coming soon- "6 Characteristics of a Great Dad" spoiler alert: Yelling and hitting walls don't make the list! Remember to share the posts you like with friends and to share your thoughts in the comments.