6 Things a Married Person Should NEVER do-

 I see many people who are in troubled marriages. When I discuss their circumstances I usually discover that they and their spouse have done at least one of these things that a married person should never do-

NEVER-

1- Yell at your spouse. They are your equal at a minimum, and if you are yelling they are probably better in many ways. Never yell. Ever.

2- Intentionally speak hurtful words. You know better than anyone which words will hurt. When you love, you don't say them.

3- Name call. I often tell men, “You don't get to call your wife a raving b****, even if they are one. Women don't get to call their husbands an a****** even when they are one. Name calling is never an option

4- Flirt with anyone. Those cute smiles and compliments belong to your spouse and only your spouse. When you took your vows they became the sole property of the person you married.

5- Share secrets with someone of the opposite sex. See #4.

6- Blame your spouse for your lack of happiness. Your happiness is your responsibility.

Feel free to add to the list in the comments section, and feel even more free to share this post with your friends! Remember you can subscribe to this blog by clicking the subscribe link on the page. Thanks for visiting!

Coming next week- "How to Stay out of Trouble" For those like me who have asked themselves, "How did I get into this mess?" Some advice on how not to get into messes in the first place!

Are you "Suit-able" for church?

I was recently invited to fill in and preach one Sunday at a church in Southern California. As church attire varies widely from one congregation to the next I asked what was appropriate. “Coat and tie”, was the surprising response. I had never preached in a suit before!

This got me thinking. What should the proper dress code for church be? Should we look our best? Or should we dress the way we “usually do”? Do we dress to show respect or do we dress for comfort? This seems a minor detail but for some churches it is important.

I think this is probably a uniquely American problem. For many (if not most!) believers around the world there is nothing to debate. You where what you have. When you have very few clothes, you have very few choices!

The church we currently attend is evolving in this regard. On any given Sunday you will see some men in jackets and ties, some in slacks, some in jeans and some in shorts. Women are similarly varied in their attire.

I am concluding that this is the way it should be. If we truly believe that God looks at the heart (as he told the prophet Samuel) what is on the outside should not matter so much. When clothing style doesn't matter, we should see a variety of clothing styles.

Just an opinion. But it's mine!

Finally- If you like this, or any post, please share it, and remember you can subscribe to the blog and receive every post in your inbox!

Loving People is not offensive!

A fourth year Medical Student came to my office for a 2 week stay. He was choosing family medicine and wanted to see what it was like in the “Real World”. As I always do, I talked about my approach to medicine, knowing that I would be much more open with my patients than other doctors he had worked with.

“You have been told not to bring your personal beliefs into your conversations with patients. I call baloney on that. We all do that. Don't believe me? When doctors counsel a woman with an unwanted pregnancy, all give the same options- abortion, adoption or keeping the baby. Which choice you present first and how much time you spend on each will be influenced by your beliefs. instead of pretending I don't have any, I choose to tell patients what my beliefs are so they can recognize my biases as they make their decisions.”

Over the ensuing two weeks he watched as I shared stories, gave hugs, and on occasion prayed for patients who were hurting. He was pleasantly surprised to see that what he had been taught in school was wrong. Patients were not offended or put off. They felt loved and cared for, primarily because they were loved and cared for! 

What was and is true in my office is true in so many other places as well. While hardly anybody wants to be preached at, everybody wants to be loved. We live in a world where fear of rejection or offense can keep us from loving others. Why not take the risk?

Good Parents with Bad Kids.

The counseling pastor at our church was addressing our adult group a while back. This widely respected man of God shared openly about the struggles of his children as they grew up, struggles that included immorality, substance abuse and financial failure. What was most striking to me as he shared was how much better he was than me as a parent, how much harder he seemed to have worked, and yet how much “better” my children turned out.

He made the point that good parents can have bad kids and vice-versa.

He was right. There are no guarantees when it comes to our children. I was raised by an unloving alcoholic mother and a violent alcoholic step-father, and thus far I seem to be doing okay.

This is a reminder of how we need to do the best we can as parents and prayerfully entrust our children to God, who by His grace protects and guides those who will listen. It is also a reminder that responsibility for failure lies with the individual, not the parent.

Why I hate Soccerxxxxcy

I don't hate the game itself (although I doubt I will ever pay to watch it played), but I do hate its impact on families in church. For some reason most club soccer teams play on Sundays. I have been told by parents that if you want your child to play soccer when they get to high school that they have to play club soccer. I have also been told that playing sports in high school is a really big deal, as a child needs extracurricular activities on a resume.

My reply to all of this is- “So what?”

Sundays is the day when most churches meet (there are exceptions). It is the day when families worship together, when there are the most opportunities for service. Nevertheless, when push comes to shove, when faced with a choice of church or youth sports, youth sports usually wins.

What lesson do we teach our children when temporal things are so important? When God is what we do when there is nothing else that demands our attention?

The story of King David and Araunah from 2 Samuel 24 contains a timeless lesson. David was instructed by God to build an altar at the place where Aruanah had a threshing floor. When David arrived, Araunah declared that he would gladly donate what he had for the king's sacrifice, “Everything O king, Araunah gives to the king!” were his words.

David's reply- “No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price, for I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God which cost me nothing.” Pretty much says it all. A true commitment to faith will be inconvenient and costly at times. If our faith doesn't cost us anything, then what is it worth? 

This begs the question, "What are we unwilling to give up for God?"