How I Learned not to be such a Jerk as a Doctor

One of the first lessons learned in private practice was that a good number of patients thought I was a jerk. My partner actually sat me down and told me that he had received feedback from a number of patients who said they felt that I was uncaring and did not listen to them very well. At the end of that year I received the results of a random survey of my patients that confirmed the fact that I was failing to communicate and connect much of the time. I was devastated. Having always prided myself on my communication skills it was more than humbling to discover that this was perceived to be the area where I most needed to improve.

I wish I could say I turned it around right then and that my next survey results were glowing. I can’t and they weren’t. I tried, tried really hard, but improvement was elusive. It took almost 10 years to truly turn the corner. Looking back now I can see what made the difference and see how simple it could have been. Here are a few of the realizations that led to lasting change.

-          I learned that I was more concerned with medicine than I was with caring about the patient. In my mind I felt that if I was medically correct (prescribed the right drug, made the correct diagnosis or referred to the right specialist) that I had done my job well. When I made the patient’s feelings and understanding them the top priority, I was able to connect.

-          I learned there was more to life than being right. I used to get particularly grumpy when a patient would ask for an unnecessary procedure or test. I think of one patient who wanted an MRI 2 days after a minor knee injury. I told him it was unnecessary and he was angry. My answer was technically correct, but it lacked understanding. If I had taken the time to set aside my offendedness and learn why he was so worried about his knee I might have salvaged the relationship.

-          I realized I expected too much from people. All people are imperfect, each in their own unique way. Some have difficulty getting to appointments on time, some have a hard time following instructions, some are afraid of change. When I focused less on what they should do and more on what they could do, I was able to be more gracious and forgiving, and people responded.

-          I learned to focus on the unique privilege it is to serve patients. Patients are not an interruption or an intrusion, they are people with needs and fears, people who need my help. For some reason God in His grace has allowed me to be in a position to actually help people every day. When I began to view each visit as an opportunity to be the “hands of God”, to touch others on His behalf, my attitude became much more patient focused.

These are not the only changes, but they are among the most significant. As God changed my heart and my attitude toward my patients, their hearts and attitudes toward me changed as well. For over 5 years now I have consistently received some of the highest patient satisfaction scores in my medical group. Last year I was even asked to lead a discussion with other struggling physicians in the hope that I might help them do better in their practices. What a turnaround!

Just a reminder to those who are jerks and to those who are dealing with jerks. There is hope!

-          Bart

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Best.Thank You. Ever.

Every once in a while I receive a “Thank You” card from a patient. On rare occasions they come with a gift. As I was going through my inbox today I came across one of the most meaningful thank you gifts I have ever received. In the “Thank You” card was a coin exactly like the one in the image for this post. The note read-

Dr. Barrett,

On September 1st I took my 3 year chip, which is an absolute miracle! And when I was standing up telling my story, I had to mention you and explain what you did for me. I am more grateful to you every day. You played a key role in saving my life, literally saving my life. I have never been more broken down that I was three long years ago.

Yes, you did your job as a doctor but you also went above and beyond for me. I can’t remember exactly what you said but I do remember trusting you and your opinion and I knew I had to follow your direction.

Although the years have been tough, my blessings far outweigh the hard times, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I hope that you will accept this small but very meaningful token of your appreciation. When you look at it, please know that you saved my life.

Much love-

J

I have her three year sobriety chip in front of me as I write this. It will serve as a reminder to me as to why I do what I do, because I have a chance, every day, to impact someone's life.  I do not recall the specific words I spoke to her that day, but I know that I was firm in my insistence that she get immediate help. She was depressed and suicidal. I pleaded with her to go to a local chemical dependency unit . I am so thankful she did.

-          Bart

Why Young People Don't Go to Church and What to Do About It

Many young people don’t go to church. About this there is no disagreement. People also agree that getting young people to come to church would be a good thing. Opinions vary and approaches diverge when church leaders discuss what to do about the problem. As with many things in life a few simple questions can bring great clarity. Here are a two such questions and some answers.

Question 1- Why don’t young people go to church?

The answer is pretty straightforward- They don’t want to. They don’t want to attend church in the same way they don’t want to remain celibate, don’t want to limit their alcohol intake and don’t want to work hard to get ahead in a career. The current young generation was raised in a child-centric culture that has been obsessed with their bliss since the day they were born. They have been praised for ordinary achievements, taught that their opinions mattered just as much as the opinions of those older and more experienced, and told that anything difficult or unpleasant was to be avoided.

To a young person with this worldview the gospel is extremely unattractive. The message that we are all wretched sinners who need to repent makes no sense to someone who has been taught from infancy that they were valuable and wonderful “just as they are” and  that there is no greater virtue than being “true to yourself.” The self-centered youth of our day will turn away from anything that does not make them feel good about themselves.

Jesus addressed this in his discussion with Nicodemus in John 3.

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.” John 3:19-21 NIV

Any church that fails to recognize this truth about young people will be tempted to pursue a dangerous and unbiblical path in order to attract millennials. I have seen many churches look at the multitudes of young people outside of the church and think that they need to “do something” to draw young people in. “Do something” usually means make the music more contemporary, dress more casually, use more “hip” speech, and to talk less about sin and more about love and peace.

This leads us to the second question.

Question 2- How do we get young unbelievers to come to church?

The answer is a simple as well- “We” don’t! It is not our job now, nor has it ever been in the history of the church, for Christians to get people to come to Christ. It is the job of the Holy Spirit, and He is quite capable! Once they know Christ, He will lead them to church. The Apostle Paul made this clear in his letter to the church at Corinth-

“Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.” 1 Cor 1:22-24 NIV

According to Paul the culture in which we live will demand certain things from us. What they want doesn't matter. Our response is not to modify the message to meet their demands, it is to more clearly proclaim the gospel message. We do this because we understand that it is not by our efforts that people respond! 

In case the people at Corinth were unclear on this, Paul went on to clarify-

“When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.  For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.” 1 Cor 2:1-5 NIV

When we say that “we” need to attract young people we are also saying that the Holy Spirit needs our help, that He cannot draw people without us. I addressed this years ago when I was being interviewed by a church for a pastoral position. When asked what we could do to attract people my response was, “Preach the gospel. My God is big enough to draw people to himself even if the music stinks!”

This is not to say that we should make the church environment unnecessarily hostile to those on the outside. We do not want to, nor should we ever, create an atmosphere that reeks of exclusivity or is unwelcome to any class of people. The good news is that the Good News is neither exclusive nor unwelcoming!

Finally, a brief note on what the church should absolutely be doing for the younger among us. Young people need to see more mature Christians living their lives, all of their lives, for Christ in a manner consistent with His word. The best way to get young people in church is for parents to raise their children in the Lord. Moses addressed this in Deuteronomy 6-

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deut 6:5-7 NIV

For the young who have not been raised in the faith the response is similar. We need to provide spiritual "parents" who will invest their lives and their time in young people doing the hard work of discipleship. Young believers need "parents" in the faith who will focus not on making them happy, but on making them godly.

Here is praying for Christ-centered, Gospel-proclaiming churches that remember that as we exalt Christ, He will do what He promised to do-

“But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself.” John 12:32 NIV

-          Bart

Sharing a Patient's Pain

At first glance there seemed to be nothing wrong with her. She appeared young, fit and attractive. The first glance was wrong. She was young and fit, but she was also in significant pain and quite afraid.

A few years ago she had meningitis. Her life was never in danger but she was incapacitated due to pain and needed to be hospitalized for several days. Her struggles didn’t end with her hospitalization as she battled severe headaches on a continuous basis for the following year. Her headaches sapped her energy and made it nearly impossible to work. After 12 long months the headaches finally remitted and she went on with her life, free from such pain. Until ten days ago. The headaches had comeback.  She was desperate when she arrived in my office.

We talked about the nature of headaches and how they could be difficult to treat, none of which was news to her. It was part of why she was afraid. She knew that treatments did not always work, she was just hoping that I could do something.

Without making any promises of cure I told I would do all her can. Then, almost in passing, I said something that I think helped a little. I said, “Your pain matters to me.” I shared my experience with severe pain years ago and the fear that came with, fear that I would not be able to live my life if it did not go away. I then told her again, “I will do everything and anything I can to help you. I will not just throw a pill at you and say, “Come back in a month.” I will work to help you through this. I gave her a few prescriptions to try and had her come back in three days.

She was back three days later with only minimal change so I adjusted the medication again. We agreed to touch base again within 4-5 days. While I was not able to give her a lot of hope, I think that knowing she had a doctor who cared meant that she was not totally hopeless.

Here is praying I stumble on a solution in the coming weeks. Her pain matters to me, and shouldn’t it? 

Her story reminds me that we all encounter hurting people and how much better it would be if other people's pain actually mattered.

- Bart

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Volcanic Anger- 4 Keys to Avoiding the Explosion

Anger is like a volcano. It erupts unpredictably and violently, at times for no explainable reason, causing indiscriminate harm to innocent people who are caught in its path. As sudden as an angry outburst may seem, often it has boiled beneath the surface for years, dormant until a surface rupture allowed for its release. I have been on the giving and receiving end of too many anger eruptions in my life and for all of my youth and much of my adult life I have battled the volcano within.

The grace of God in the transforming power of His Spirit, working through the love and patience of my wife and children, ultimately helped break the cycle of anger that characterized my life.

Working to eliminate anger from has not protected me from the wrath of others. I was recently the victim of an unexpected anger attack that left reflecting anew on how damaging anger is to relationships.

As is so often the case nowadays, it all began with a misinterpreted Facebook post. One friend shared a link by a sociology professor at the University of Texas. I liked the article he sent and shared it myself, as I found the article to be a thoughtful and neutral discussion of the evolution of the American Church’s attitude toward sexuality and moral issues. Another friend took offense at me sharing anything that referenced same sex issues and send me an angry and vindictive Facebook message. Caught off guard I called him, hoping to avoid the miscommunication and inflammation of a written response. The conversation did not go well. According to this friend I had done something terrible and hurtful. In his mind his anger was appropriate and the attack deserved. Deeply hurt and puzzled I asserted my innocence and shared that I thought the post was misunderstood. I was unable to convince my friend.

Additional angry messages were sent. I was attacked for having a shallow, judgmental and vindictive faith and was told that my stated desire to follow Scripture was foolish. He wrote that the Bible is known to be inaccurate and unreliable and I was wrong to rely on its assertions. His words went beyond disagreement and into the realm of demeaning insult. I was amazed that someone who I considered a friend could pen such vicious and intentionally hurtful words. I wondered how it was that someone could respond so hatefully to a misunderstood Facebook post. The eruption was violent and powerful.

After multiple emails the truth was revealed. What appeared to be a sudden outburst had actually been boiling beneath the surface for years. The anger was due more to something that had happened years ago than it was to the words recently written. The unresolved hurt led him to hurt back. The viciousness of the attack leads me to wonder if our relationship will ever be the same.

In this story there are several lessons about anger that we all should keep in mind (lessons that can be found in Scripture!)

-          Anger never works in relationships. Ever. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” James 1:19-20

-          No matter how smart we think we are, it is foolish to blow up at someone else. “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Proverbs 29:11

-          Our anger leads to more mistakes than we can imagine. “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.” Proverbs 29:22

-          When we hold grudges we hurt ourselves and others. People will hurt us, we need to forgive. “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Col 3:13-14

The last lesson applies to those of us who have been hurt by the anger of others. We need to forgive. While forgiveness does not demand that we repeatedly place ourselves in the path of someone’s anger, it does require that we let go of our own anger and any desire to get even. With my friend I did what I could to address any wrong that I had done in the past. I resisted the urge to strike back and instead chose to pray that he will someday be freed from the rage and anger that have driven so many from his life. I also pray that anger will disappear from my life and allow me to be the husband, father, friend and doctor that I hope to be.

-          Bart